A poem written by a teen that had most everything, yet was still very, very depressed... she was hopelessly afraid to tell her parents, even though they probably would have been very understanding. she had this problem for a few years.
The Mask
©
Kasi
I’m great, fine, spectacular. In a way
I relish every night, and I live every day.
I live, I laugh, I write, I sing,
I wonder what the new days will bring.
Then I get home, and I take off the mask.
The day, and almost impossible task,
Is finally over, and so I lie Down,
and wait patiently for the day that I die.
I cry, I scream, I bawl, and sleep,
even though I have promises to keep.
I wait, and wonder, and cry some more,
And I ache and burn from my very core.
Then, I’m not alone, and the mask reappears:
Out goes the grief, pain and all of the tears,
As I am a happy person, cheerful all the day.
A world full of rainbow, not one shade of grey.
Of course I’m not okay, I’m not fine,
No matter how much I seem to shine.
I don’t even know why I feel this...
Why my existence is one long, endless abyss.
But it is, and will be, so I cling to life,
As one day I might slip, and end it with a knife.
But, I’m still here, no matter what my dreams might say
And I hope that one day I will actually be okay.
I relish every night, and I live every day.
I live, I laugh, I write, I sing,
I wonder what the new days will bring.
Then I get home, and I take off the mask.
The day, and almost impossible task,
Is finally over, and so I lie Down,
and wait patiently for the day that I die.
I cry, I scream, I bawl, and sleep,
even though I have promises to keep.
I wait, and wonder, and cry some more,
And I ache and burn from my very core.
Then, I’m not alone, and the mask reappears:
Out goes the grief, pain and all of the tears,
As I am a happy person, cheerful all the day.
A world full of rainbow, not one shade of grey.
Of course I’m not okay, I’m not fine,
No matter how much I seem to shine.
I don’t even know why I feel this...
Why my existence is one long, endless abyss.
But it is, and will be, so I cling to life,
As one day I might slip, and end it with a knife.
But, I’m still here, no matter what my dreams might say
And I hope that one day I will actually be okay.
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Emotionally, sympathetic. I have once felt so but later recieved psychological attention.
I felt the same way when I was about 13 years old and I was wondering if anyone had felt the same. Now I have found out that life is okay it does not matter if I'm not okay... I mean it does, but I'm over the whole killing myself because I don't have what I want or when I want, but I totally understand. I am 16 years old and life is rough but I will live through it.
Life is like a roller coaster it has its ups and its downs you just have to go with the flow and hope and pray things get better
I know how you feel I'm going through the same thing right now loved your poem great message.
This is exactly how I feel! I never knew people feel the same way I thought I was alone. This poem gave me hope :)
I used to think like this too and then I had an epiphany. Maybe I'm just having too much fun during the day to care about the things that I'd lose sleep over if I was alone to dwell on them.
I'm 13 and I have felt this way like no one understands you at all I thought. I was the only one who ever felt this way.
This poem really touched me because I know what it feels like. Acting all happy in front of everyone when really inside you feel so lost, then when you get home you just flinging yourself onto your bed and crying. That's how I've been feeling for a while and I've been surprised at how many people feel the same.
I really liked this. I wish I could write poems like this. Recently my mask came off, only with a certain person. But it helps so much :)
This is exactly the way I feel. I'm 13 years old and I feel like I have to wear a mask when I'm around people but when I get alone I cry and write poetry that my friends read in school and they wonder how I can act so okay when I'm in public. I wonder the same thing. I've grown so accustomed to acting okay it's weird. I pray everyday that one day things will be okay and hopefully they will be, not only for me but for everyone that feels the same depression we feel.
Great poem. Exactly how I was this summer. Then I threw myself into sports and school and now I'm too busy to be sad anymore (: haha keep your head up and keep looking for the cliché "light at the end of the tunnel." <3
I'm a13 year old , dealing with depression. I have to do a project on poetry and this poem touched me. I was wondering if it is possible to get the full name of the author, thank you. this is beautiful.
This is like the story of my life. I have tried many times to put it down on paper. Thank you for helping me find the words.
I'm 14 and dealing with depression. I was reading to see how other people deal, and I came upon this poem. It moved me to no end. This is a beautiful poem and you have inspired me to write how I feel. Thank you so much for the inspiration.
I have a mask on everyday. lately, I have been forgetting to put it on......and friends do not understand me now that they can tell that I am upset, so they just turn the other way. It sucks....but I am not sure that the mask is any better.
omg I feel the same way... I secretly cry when no one is looking and I don't even know why. I mask myself on a daily bases and feel like the world would be a better place without.. I feel like I am just wasting peoples time to be living!!!
I was recently deleting my 5000 spam e-mails and archiving the important ones, when I came across this. I had forgotten I had written it, but let me tell you is it ever a blast from the past. For all the commenter's living with the same feeling I was, I would like to update you on my life. I talked to my parents shortly after publishing this. I went on anti depressants for the prescribed time, and then I was fine. Since then I've moved, been in and out of love, made a lot of new friends, moved out of my parents house, and am in university. Life goes on! And I just had to live it to really know that. Hang in there!
I feel the same way every single day. I feel I cant express myself around anybody. I act so differently when I'm with others its like I am a whole other person.
Thank you so much for this poem. I have been depressed for a few years now and I have been afraid to tell anyone, even my closest friends for fear of them judging me when they don't know how it feels. My mask is similar to yours, I seems happy, full of energy but when the day is done, I find that I am the only one. I've been shut out by most and the others I try to keep close but it's hard to have the desire to keep my mask on anymore. Thank you though for letting me know that I'm not the only one.
I put up a mask everyday and this is exactly how I feel. My friends even the best can't see through it because that's how I designed it.
I'm the same everyday. I'm 14 And suffer Depression. But nobody known's because they will walk away from me, Even my best friends.
I always put on a mask, when I go to school around my friends.
anywhere. even in front of my mum.
I'm always the giggly one, the one that always smiles... but no.
That's not who I really am. -.-'
This perfectly describes me. I know no one wants to hear my life story, and I don't really feel like telling it, but yeah, this is pretty much my life. When I'm around people I'm all giggles and happiness, get home, go into the basement or in my room and I get really sad.
The suicide question has plagued my mind, but I don't really feel like killing myself. Maybe it's cowardice, but I won't do it. I am, however, not afraid of death.
Wow, this poem is exactly how I have been feeling for a very long time! People see me and think, "She's so happy, always smiling, laughing and with no worries in the world, well they're wrong! Even when I'm extremely depressed and it shows, my friends ask and all I say is I'm just a little tired, I couldn't sleep last night, and they believe it. I have a mask, one that I wear everyday and not all see it, just a few friends that have gotten close enough to notice, but they don't notice it all of the time. Life does go on though, and one just has to fight to move on with it and just hope for the best and think optimistically (: Hope all of you that have this can find a way out of it and find happiness<3 I'm not there, but I hope I can be soon!
Look I was diagnosed with this since I was little it runs in my family and I don't know how to deal it like one second I'm fine the next I feel as if I'm gonna explode.
I had untreated depression since I was five. For 13 years I dealt with it before I slipped and lost control. I was checked into a psychiatric ward. Tiane sometimes that is for the best. Just to be able to get away for society to recharge your strength and to fight it. In the end death is just the easy way out of your problems. Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.
I'm 14 going through the same.. I think you're brave to do that everyday.. me I try.. I'm not brave..but you have opened my eyes..thank you. Remember, suicidal is the wimpy way to leave. Go the brave way. Leave with a fight..
I really really need the name of the author/poet who wrote this. Wb asap
(it's for a poet speech) I found this really inspiring
I am so depressed. I can't sleep and I even when I try to sleep..,sometimes I have to cry myself to sleep. It's misery. If I would talk to my councilor my mom would be called and would question me. All I have to talk to is my diary, some friends, and basically myself. Its not helping and I am going insane. I almost fall asleep in class everyday. I have been having suicidal thoughts ever since my crush called me something I thought I would never be called again...,a stalker. It happened last year too with a boy that I really liked. He thought I was nuts and crap but I NEVER stopped talking about him. But this one is worse. First..,it was crying at school when I found out, then it wasn't getting much sleep..,now its suicidal thoughts and has ALMOST cut myself MANY times. I can't do this anymore. Any advice? Please? I need some.
-I Feel The SAME EXACT WAY! I've been trying soo hard to feel what I act and I feel nothing.! I feel so so so so sad inside but every one see's me as this happy go lucky girl who makes everyone laugh and smile and play around and talk and Inside my heart screams for help but my mouth just won't deliver my deadly silent whispers.
Thank you for this. This is exactly how I feel. I was always trying to put it in my own words, but you have done so better than I ever could. Once again, I thank you. People tell me that reading these will only make my depression worse, but the only time I feel even remotely better is when I find someone that feels the same. It tells me that at least I'm not the only one that has ever felt like this.
I am really touched by your poem and it has instantly become one of my favorites. I have never shared this with anyone before but I feel depressed everyday. I feel that no one loves me nor wants me including my parents. They hate everything I do or I want to do. I want to be somewhere where no one knows me and I can freely live through my life...because after all it is a test that everyone has to go through but at the same time it can be or it is certainly for me A-GREAT-PAIN. I don't necessarily think that I'm different from others but I do feel depressed mostly all the time. In school I have lots of friends but I have never dared to share it with anyone. This poem gave me confidence and a little bit of comfort. Thank you.
I'm not myself
I'm not who you want me to be
I'm not who I want to be
I am who I am
I'm sad most of the time
I'm not suicidal
But I'm not breathing life
I smile to look happy
I'm such a good actor that no one notices
Sometimes I wish they could
I don’t want attention but I want people to know I'm sad
I'm not one for crying
But lately its all I want to do
I go through the day in a haze talking to people as if I'm happy
I laugh at their jokes
When they ask me if I'm ok
I smile and say yes
Wishing I could say no
I'm Tamara.
My name is Mariel, I'm 14, I have cut before and I write poetry to get rid of my pain. I go to high school everyday and am forced to watch peoples happiness.
I'm 13 and I feel the same way. I actually wear a mask everyday of my life. I cry myself to sleep some nights because of the emotional toll this is taking on me. My family is not a family, they talk about each other behind their backs. And I'm the scapegoat for their emotions. I shared my story with a select group of friends at my school and we figured out that we all had one thing in common bad family life. We confide in each other when things go bad, we prevent everyone from ending their life because of the emotional state we are all in, but we have been able to remain strong. I hide myself in poetry, singing, music, and story writing, so that I can stay sane. These friends are the only ones that can see thru my mask and they are my only true friends in this crazy world.
I have actually called it my mask, and when I read this poem it felt so true, like every word I've tried to say was just explained.
This was amazing.<3
This poem is me all over and the sad thing is I'm 18 and I still feel the need to put on a brave face or a mask as it is described when ever I'm around people even if I know them really well. The society these days is full of judging and assuming and criticism and it sucks.
I pinned your poem under my Pinterest board entitled "Depression" I encourage the author to keep writing. As a former English teacher, I think this poem is phenomenal! It really explains what so many people who suffer from the invisible disease of depression go through. Thanks.
This poem truly put my emotions into words. I am 16 years old and have these same exact feelings every single day. The sense of community I feel between you, as well as the many other comments, are both hopeful and disconcerting. I LOVE the thought that I am not alone, despite my feelings everyday. However, it also reminds me how far all of these wonderful people are from me, and shows me the exact people I need in my life to turn it all around. Thank you for this and for showing me I am not crazy nor alone.
I would like to relate my life to this poem. This the real story of my life and I have gone through the same feelings. Hope a day will come when the bright sun will wash away all the darkness of our lives.