Faith Poem

I am a 15 year old African American male. I was not suppose to be born seeing how my mother had kidney problems and was a smoker, so in her womb I was diagnosed mentally challenged, also both of my parents were suffering from type 2 diabetes. I was born with a c-section because if I had came out naturally I would have died I had to stay in the hospital for weeks. when I was 3 I got diagnosed with ADHD and asthma. But my mother was abused so she was free from that with a divorce when I was 8. And I was abandoned by his love.

Suicidal Thoughts

I'm trapped in a box with no intentions to survive
Praying…. asking God why am I still alive
I go to sleep each night knowing everything I say is a lie
Knowing that is enough for me to breakdown and cry
My father taught me to be tough and conquer your fears
My mother taught me how to love and it's ok to shed a couple tears
I struggle each day to survive living my life with doubt
I'm trapped in a death hole with no hopes of getting out
I've been tormented by the devil ever since I was a little boy
He is the puppet master and I'm his #1 toy
I've been bullied, misunderstood, charged with guilt to my heart
Slowly but surely I'm loosing my mind…. And my heart and soul is falling apart
I can't help myself no matter how hard I try
I need to find a way the clock is winding down to the day I die
It's like the devil has control over me at least that's how it seems
He usually gets me like Freddy Krueger…. When I'm asleep, in my dreams
I was raised in the church my mom said when you're in trouble look for a way in the light
But I'm too lost in the world and blinded by the night
At this point in my life I am mentally unstable
But I'm going to keep my eyes on God because I know he is able
I have worn a mask all my life nobody knows or understands me
They think I have it all good… look harder and you will really see
I love you mom and I'm really trying to find a way
But the only way you can help me is to continue to pray
There were times you never listened to what I had to say
That's part of the reason I am who I am today
But I'm on the right track I'm determined to find my way
All because you said you loved me and it will be ok
I used to live each day with no hopes for tomorrow
Walking with my head down filled with shame and sorrow
There were times where I felt I was on the world's hit list
So depressed my face looking like death ready to slit my wrists
As a man I feel for myself I have to provide
It's enough pressure for a man to commit suicide
As I engraved death in my arm I started to bleed
Even though God is all I want and all that I need
Stress is building up in my heart and mind
Wondering when my time is up and if I'm ready to die
I put the gun to my head and closed my eyes
I said Lord take me now I'm ready to die
As I pulled the trigger no bullet came out
Then I thought to myself aren't I suppose to be dead now
I opened my eyes and saw the light
A voice said I love you with all my might
If it was my mom I don't know why
Then they said I love you it's not time for you to die
So as I look to the sky I thank God for saving me
If it weren't for him I don't know where I would be
I know its all over my faith has been restored
I have no thoughts of death…. evil can't touch me anymore
Now you know who I used to be and how I became the new me
When I was trapped in a box…….. But now I'm free

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Published: Jul 2010
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14 Stories on "Suicidal Thoughts"
  1. Ophelia Age 15 Submitted on Saturday, November 13, 2010

    That is beautiful!

    I share your faith, but I've never had it rough. I wonder if I had big problems if I'd be strong enough.
    My life's been pretty easy, I've never felt the pain you do. I want you to know I'll be praying to God for you.
    I know life is tough, but I believe what you believe, that God is a helper who will never ever leave.

    From Ophelia Age 15 (I hope this gets used. Sure, I shared my faith, but it's a free country.)

  2. Btwily, WA Submitted on Sunday, November 14, 2010

    I love your poem, its how I used to feel and still kind of do, but stay strong. God never gives you more than you can handle and will always be there!

  3. Mi, Age 15 Submitted on Thursday, November 18, 2010

    What you wrote took guts to share. I believe what you wrote, and I hope you never loose sight of those last few lines.

  4. Chris,Arkansas Submitted on Saturday, March 26, 2011

    very touching, I pray that you are at peace and no longer want to commit suicide. I have been through 2 suicide in the past 17 years. the first was my Father in 94, the second was my older Brother in 08. I don't care how bad things seem If you take your own life then the heartache and depression you leave behind for those that love you is a burden that makes the problem you had seem like a scratched. It took me years to get to where I could function daily and be productive for my family, after my fathers death. Then when my brother died it all came back 10 times fold. so Please always remember that people love you and need you to live

  5. Scarlet Submitted on Thursday, March 31, 2011

    that was very deep. reminds me of me. it is hard to share such stories. :/

  6. Mickala,Missouri Submitted on Monday, May 02, 2011

    This Has touched me. I have felt like that for a long time but I never had the courage to kill myself. But now I look to god and I express myself through poems. I really like your poem. It's very good.

  7. Brittany Submitted on Monday, August 01, 2011

    Dear heavenly father please guide me in the right direction to serve you. I love you with all my heart thank you for being my savior please forgive me of any sins I have committed. Please heal me of any illness I may have I ask this in your holy name. amen.

  8. Beatrice Submitted on Thursday, October 13, 2011

    This poem has touched me immensely, I have also felt like just running into a speeding car so that I can end my life. There were times that I felt I am living a lie. Because everything I dreamt of becoming didn't come true and even the little things I yearned for never came to pass. I felt like I was under an evil spell and there was no way out because nobody cared. I was all alone and did not know where to go.
    I could not pray because I stopped having faith in God

  9. Michaela, USA Submitted on Wednesday, November 16, 2011

    I know where you are I've been through it to, don't worry just grit your teeth keep your head high, people are gonna hate whether you're a saint or a sinner keep your eyes on god! and keep writing these that'll help you feel better!!!

  10. Grace San Francisco Ca Submitted on Monday, November 21, 2011

    It was very moving and sad. I too have felt these emotions for different reasons but same outcome. Suicide is a mortal sin, the one the God I believe in does not forgive, for this reason and this alone, I have to leave the time of my death to the Lord for I hope and pray that I will be able to once again see my beloved papa who has been gone for so so long. I love you pa and miss you something awful.

  11. Jazmine Diaz Submitted on Saturday, November 26, 2011

    When I was born I was born with a large kidney my mom smoked all the time she was never there for me so I was always with my step-dad and since we where always alone he had sexually abused me. But my mom had denied it all she's still living with him and gave up all right's of me. And so that made me have lots of emotions so now I live with my grandparents they have taught me that hope is always out there!!

  12. Sam Submitted on Thursday, December 01, 2011

    This story has touched me! I have gone through the same. I was once emo and still am. I just wish you can get through it and be at peace with yourself I wish you the best. -Samantha

  13. Azie, South Africa Submitted on Tuesday, August 21, 2012

    I also felt the same way after my best friend killed herself. I got all the support I wanted from home but I felt like she took a part of me with her. I use to have voices inside my head the devil made me believe I am nothing I tried killing myself more than twice, I even started eating my own flesh. But living god took away all my sufferings. I no longer have suicidal thoughts. God loves us all

  14. Dana, Missouri Submitted on Wednesday, February 19, 2014

    This was absolutely beautiful and so very heartfelt....emotional. I've been where you've been. Not many understand, I'm glad you found the new you and I pray you continue to write. Your words are intense but from the soul. Stunning work!

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