There was a time in my life where it seemed as if life, or God was playing a cruel game with me: my parents split up again, I gained an eating disorder which almost killed me, I broke up with a partner I had been with for a long time; and it began to make me feel pretty worthless; depression crept in and it soon lead to self harm. Some scars of my past just won't go away and I regret them every day. This poem is about how I felt at that time, and also to let teens know they are never alone.
A smile concealing all my lies,
Screaming, begging, calling out,
A final, frantic, desperate, shout.
Scarlet tears drip from each vein,
A vehement covet to end this pain,
This silver blade, stays by my side,
Because all hope inside has died.
As each day ends, and darkness draws,
The devil toys, with all my flaws,
I'm helpless, alone, a worthless mess,
A broken child, he must address.
I'm tempted when he calls my name,
A way out, an escape, an end to shame,
To make it feel a lot less real,
A deal with the Devil, in blood must I seal.
They'll say I died of suicide,
But no one knows how much they've lied,
It wasn't a rope, a blade, or pills,
That broke my soul, and gave me chills.
I died inside so long before,
To live each day, an endless chore,
Pills could not kill what was already dead,
A twisted soul, an empty head.
In darkness I wait, in silence, alone,
Rose-tinted nostalgia, all around me has grown,
I beckon the devil, with the key of self-harm,
And I open the door for him, with the blood of my arm.